Faith and Reason

**This poem is inspired out of the contradictions that have run through my life both interally and those lived out in the relationships I've had with friends and teachers. It is also inspired by a couple of influential people and pastors. Reading the book Love Wins by Rob Bell has inspired me to let go of some of the arguments I carry on in my head between factions of myself and my community. Yvette Flunder has given me language to both embrace the complicated text we call Scripture and use it appropriately in today's world. Thanks to them and my church family here and far that help me wrestle, wonder, and still belong.

Faith and Reason
by Teri VanLieshout
7/22/11

Faith and Reason
    two passions
  running forever deep
      in this immutable soul.

God,
  I see you
    in dendrites and DNA
  in evolution
       and the geologist's history.

Reason,
   I see you
  as a gift from Him
     not in contrast to
  but because of.

Faith,
   you are my companion
 in the Secular
    and the Sublime.
  I need you to stand
       on the shoulders of giants
   and in the arms of the Son.

Doubt,
   I know you too:
  "Maybe this is a lie
      I tell myself to feel better."
  But yet I know
    life IS better
        in connection with Him
  lived both ways, I’ve felt it in my heart.

I am
   not enough of a scientist
      for my science friends,
   not enough of a Zealot
      for my Christian friends
 so I am a Holy Misfit
    in this world
       of Either-Or.

I am
  a Both-And girl
 in an Either-Or world
     reaching toward the Infinite
  trusting in reason and thought
     faith and experience
 a Bible in each breath
     of the Natural World.

I trust
   You ARE
  as I am...  HERE
   and we are
      together.

I trust
  LOVE WINS!
 and life evolves
   both literally and figuratively.

I trust You
   in knowing You,
  I don't have to check
     my brain at the door.
  You gave me this brain,
      so I use it.

I don't believe
   You created
 throw-away-life
     it was all meant
   to BE
  and to be
     good.

Unscientists
   break the world
      into the sum of its parts.
Others
     break faith
    into the sum of ONE book
       interpreted by ONE person,
   the Bible-Answer-Man.

Yet I am a Both-And girl
   in an Either-Or world
  and I trust
     it's OK
  this Faith and Reason

I trust
   and doubt
 my belief in
    EVERYTHING
      42
  7,3, or 5
 mystic numbers
      and natural expression
  that go beyond
       finite understanding.

Faith and Reason
   you are my friends
  and I don't know why
     this world insists
  that you can't be friends
      with each other.

To know You
     to understand this world
        and the next
  I lean on  you both
   Faith and Reason

God of science
   science of God
 Reason is incomplete without awe
    as is blind faith
  So I trust
      in You.

God of Love
   Giver of Life
  The Grand Architect
And Cosmic Bowler,

Humans will know
   with certainty
      while You laugh
   in the margins.

Faith
   Scripture
  Experience
       Tradition
  and Reason

You are my companions
  my lens
    in this life
as I stretch toward the next.

Enough

Enough
by Teri VanLieshout
7/21/10

Sitting here
Watching the water touch the sky
Over the bay near the State Park
Wondering
What is ENOUGH

My stress is
And forever has been
Being enough
For him, for her, for you, for God
For those whom I serve

Did I do enough?
Well enough?
Could it be better?
If so how?
And what’s next, to be done better?

And I no longer believe in Perfect
That false idol
I’ve left long ago
But somehow, I still chase it’s shadow,
Enough

What is ENOUGH?
And how does one let go
Of trying
Only to let inadequacy
Creep in through the cracks

In this 36^th year
I see in a new way
The need to let go
And let God
And be free of chasing perfection

Breath
Shared breath
With Him
With my loved ones
Sharing this life together

Reaching toward each other
In our perfect imperfection
A symphony
Of sound and messy life
Played with passion

That is beauty at its best

God makes art from our errors
And teaches as we stumble
Breathing beauty into despair and grief
Shaping fresh growth out of tragedy
And indeed, it’s enough

So paint fully
With all colors, deep and rich
And don’t let the worry of a misplaced stroke
Ruin the painting
It all gets used

Easier said than practiced
But still attainable
Rhythm, balance
Breath shared
Perfect imperfection

Enough

Pendulum Swinger by the Indigo Girls

"Pendulum Swinger"
by the Indigo Girls
Lyrics by Emily Saliers

I meet you for coffee
We get together periodically
I got a bad case I can't shake off of me
The fevered walking round wondering how it ought to be
You work in the system
You see possibilities and your glistening
Eyes show the hell you're gonna give 'em
When they back off the mic for once and give it to a woman

I dream like a mad one
Brutal fantasies I catch as catch can
I'm a psychic and a laywoman
I see love and I like to make it happen
What we get from your war walk
Ticker of the nation breaking down like a bad clock
I want the pendulum to swing again
So that all your mighty mandate was just spitting in the wind

It doesn't come by the bullwhip
It's not persuaded with your hands on your hips
Not the company of gunslingers
The epicenter love is the pendulum swinger
She is she is she is

It's fine about the old scroll Sanskrit
Gnostic gospels the da vinci code a smash hit
Aren't we dying just to read it and relate
Too hard just to go by a blind faith
But they left out the sisters
Praying to a father god so long I really missed her
The goddess of benevolence
You should listen to your mama if you have a lick of sense left

Pushed under by the main press, buried under a code of dress
Relegated by the Vatican
But you can't keep a spirit down that wants to get up again

If we're a drop in the bucket
With just enough science to keep from saying fuck it
Until the last drop of sun burns its sweet light
Plenty revolutions left until we get this thing right

Listen on YouTube by clicking on the link below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqPPdj6WqyQ

God Hears

College as a whole was an uncomfortable struggle for me. I didn't have a home or a family close by, which I now know, feeds me. I wasn't grounded. I went through periods of rebellion (or complete stupidity). And then I came back to a place of faith, but was scared and overwhelmed with how far I had wandered. I was 23, a young 23. So here's my simple cry out in the dark from way back then. I met my husband about 3 months later. And it all worked out. Adolescent angst. :-)

God Hears
12/18/97
by Teri VanLieshout

When I was a young girl, feeling sad and afraid
I went to my church and I knelt down and prayed

I prayed for an answer to fall from above
The sky to tear open and pour out God's love

I wanted a voice, a hand on my shoulder
But all that I felt was the room getting colder

      It's easy to think that God doesn't hear
      When we ask and expect things like magic,
      But if we look back again at our life taking course
      We see our prayers being answered

Frustrated, empty, lost and alone
I left the church thinking I'd wasted my time

God doesn't hear me, I said to myself
He's got more important prayers on his shelf

So I went down the street for some coffee to drink
Sat down at a table alone to think

      It's easy to think that God doesn't hear
      When we ask and expect things like magic,
      But if we look back again at our life taking course
      We see our prayers being answered

At the table I sat and thumbed through some books
Nothing looked interesting, nothing quite took

And then a tap on my shoulder, as if from above
The man one seat over started talking to me

About hometowns, and majors, and jobs and the like
Finding one's path and direction in life

      It's easy to think that God doesn't hear
      When we ask and expect things like magic,
      But if we look back again at our life taking course
      We see our prayers being answered

He offered his thoughts and shared his frustrations
There were no clear answers or new revelations

But I left feeling heard and much less afraid
As if God really heard me when I knelt down and prayed

Life is a struggle, yet one thing is clear
God knows our thoughts and really does hear

      It's easy to think that God doesn't hear
      When we ask and expect things like magic,
      But if we look back again at our life taking course
      We see our prayers being answered

Imperfect Perfection

The poem, "Imperfect Perfection" is what I've made of the problem of pain in the past. A couple of years ago a former student of mine, Elisabeth G., died in a car wreck. Very sad. She was young, just starting college--a sweet spirit with her whole life ahead of her.  A few weeks later, a learned that another Elisabeth died--this one the daughter of my friend Nadine. This Elisabeth was 40 years old, with two young daughters.  She died suddenly from a rare surgical complication (a blood clot went to her heart).  This is the kind of pain I struggle with spiritually. I struggle when people say, "Everything happens for a reason." I struggle when people claim that God plans such things. I, personally, believe God cries with us during such tragedies. This is a place I came to back then. My perspective may change with time. I will have to pray more about it.

Imperfect Perfection
By Teri VanLieshout
4/6/2005-- revised slightly 7/9/2011

For the two Elizabeths...

Two young lives
   gone
So much to live for
   one 19, one 40,
        with a husband
            and two children

Where is the silver lining
  around that dark cloud
     of grief and loss

"Everything happens for a reason."
   Really??
      You KNOW this??
           Why??

I don't believe it
    or
   It's beyond me to understand

I have faith that there is
    healing and peace
       in the love of God
          in the love of friends.

But why such tragedies happen
   is beyond me.

Maybe God
   doesn't interfere
       in our lives
           at all.

Maybe we're
   truly and completely
      left alone
         to the powers of this world.

Or maybe
  God is in healing
     in friendship
       in kindness
          in hope.

Maybe God is in the things
   that grow out of loss.

God is Perfection
  in Imperfection.
     Perfection
        in an imperfect
          and cruel world.

Imperfect Perfection II

Imperfect Perfection II

by Teri VanLieshout

11/22/10

Joy fills this imperfect soul

As I see imperfection, the grout

That fills the cracks

Between tiles of perfect grace

Letting go

of fear

of needing to know

of having to get it right

I am whole

though imperfect

And life is good

even when it’s not

I am free

and I am loved

in earthly ways

and by my Creator

I am joyful

for all the beauty

that surrounds

the deepest dark

And life tumbles forth

With imperfect perfection

Renewing, uplifting

Staggering and falling

Tied together

With perfect grace

Holding Fast

Holding Fast
7/6/11
by Teri VanLieshout

I hold fast to    love, life, beauty
  I want to fold it up
Write it down
  Carry it with me

Like an old photograph
  with shining memories
  Of happy times
Stuffed in the corner of my
   mirror or wallet or  purse

I breathe you in
  and breathe you out
Memory and love
I feel you burst open
  inside

I cannot hold you
  you will not sit still
You run out and over
  spilling forward

 You are rich and warm
   Sunset explosion
 Here and gone
 
I marinade in
 your fragrance
   your touch
     your joy

And I remember
 and hold fast
   and smile.